Menopause
Dear Both Ends: My wife is 49 and I believe that she is starting her menopause phase.
She's emotional, she's gets cranky easily, and she is tired all the time. I don't think she
is sleeping well. I've looked up the signs online and I tried to tell her this but she just
gets mad at me. She says that I'm trying to get out of trouble (when she yells at me)
by using this as an excuse. I really believe that she is approaching her mid-life crisis.
How can I survive this period?
Heinz, age 39, married 5 years, 2 teenage step-sons from present wife’s previous marriage,
manufacturing engineer.
Dr. Gomes: If she is still having periods then she may actually be peri-menopausal. Some signs
are memory problems, weight changes, decreased sexual desire, vaginal dryness, hot flashes, and
irregular periods. It doesn’t sound like she wants to believe that she is becoming menopausal.
This is an inevitable part of growing older which no one can help avoid. But we all can grow old
gracefully and with acceptance. Perhaps your age difference makes it more difficult for her to
accept. Next time the issue comes up try asking her by saying exactly this: “If it were true that
you were becoming menopausal, what would be the worst thing about that?” Her response
would tell you what her fear, shame, or guilt is about. There is a story about what this means to
her as a person. Keep asking for more information so that you can understand what her
experience is all about until you get an “Ah-ha.” The “Ah-ha” will reveal the important part and will
help the two of you connect over this conflict.
Suggestion: Read “Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual
Self” by Sallie Foley, Sally Kope, and Dennis Sugrue. I highly recommend this book for its good
overall coverage of women’s sexual health.
Larry Star: Was that a little play on words with your question? Very clever. Here’s a question for
you—remember your wedding vows? This is the “for worse” part. The reason it’s called
menopause is because men have to pause before they say anything, lest they get a spatula up
their nose. Your hypothesis of your wife’s behavioral turmoil seems dead on. She needs to see a
doctor about her hormonal imbalance. They can prescribe some drugs so she can better deal with
her issues. But if she doesn’t want to go to the doctor, then you should go to the doctor. They
can prescribe some drugs so you can better deal with her issues.
Suggestion: Listen to Metallica’s, “Until It Sleeps”
From Both Ends: We both agree that this seems to be part of the marital package. The best
combined advice seems to be to continue to offer a menopausal explanation along with an
invitation for her to seek medical evaluation. And when that isn’t working too well, then help
yourself to better deal with this “period” of your marriage.
Dear Both Ends: My wife is 49 and I believe that she is starting her menopause phase.
She's emotional, she's gets cranky easily, and she is tired all the time. I don't think she
is sleeping well. I've looked up the signs online and I tried to tell her this but she just
gets mad at me. She says that I'm trying to get out of trouble (when she yells at me)
by using this as an excuse. I really believe that she is approaching her mid-life crisis.
How can I survive this period?
Heinz, age 39, married 5 years, 2 teenage step-sons from present wife’s previous marriage,
manufacturing engineer.
Dr. Gomes: If she is still having periods then she may actually be peri-menopausal. Some signs
are memory problems, weight changes, decreased sexual desire, vaginal dryness, hot flashes, and
irregular periods. It doesn’t sound like she wants to believe that she is becoming menopausal.
This is an inevitable part of growing older which no one can help avoid. But we all can grow old
gracefully and with acceptance. Perhaps your age difference makes it more difficult for her to
accept. Next time the issue comes up try asking her by saying exactly this: “If it were true that
you were becoming menopausal, what would be the worst thing about that?” Her response
would tell you what her fear, shame, or guilt is about. There is a story about what this means to
her as a person. Keep asking for more information so that you can understand what her
experience is all about until you get an “Ah-ha.” The “Ah-ha” will reveal the important part and will
help the two of you connect over this conflict.
Suggestion: Read “Sex Matters for Women: A Complete Guide to Taking Care of Your Sexual
Self” by Sallie Foley, Sally Kope, and Dennis Sugrue. I highly recommend this book for its good
overall coverage of women’s sexual health.
Larry Star: Was that a little play on words with your question? Very clever. Here’s a question for
you—remember your wedding vows? This is the “for worse” part. The reason it’s called
menopause is because men have to pause before they say anything, lest they get a spatula up
their nose. Your hypothesis of your wife’s behavioral turmoil seems dead on. She needs to see a
doctor about her hormonal imbalance. They can prescribe some drugs so she can better deal with
her issues. But if she doesn’t want to go to the doctor, then you should go to the doctor. They
can prescribe some drugs so you can better deal with her issues.
Suggestion: Listen to Metallica’s, “Until It Sleeps”
From Both Ends: We both agree that this seems to be part of the marital package. The best
combined advice seems to be to continue to offer a menopausal explanation along with an
invitation for her to seek medical evaluation. And when that isn’t working too well, then help
yourself to better deal with this “period” of your marriage.
