Sex Not Always Wanted
Dear Both Ends: My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. I love him and all, but
whenever I am the least bit affectionate to him, he takes that as an indication I want to have
sex. How do I tell him that that isn’t always the case? Why are men so sexually driven?
Kat; age 25, single, no children, customer service
Dr Gomes: Discrepancies of desire is one of the most common sexual intimacy complaints. The
first question I have is whether your boyfriend’s drive changed or has your drive changed? It is sad
to read that your partner only associates touch and affection as an indication of sexuality. Touch is
an integral aspect of life. Infants will fail to thrive without touch. Touch is important to
attachment issues. Talk to him again. He may need to learn the basic pleasure of touch regardless
of the gender of who he is touching or hugging.
Suggestion: Check out Cuddle Party (www.cuddleparty.com) to gain an emotional experience of
touch without it being all about sex.
Larry Star: Remember that your relationship is pretty much brand new to him. He finds you
incredibly sexy and gets aroused by you at the drop of a hat. Give us a call in 5 years to see if this
is still the case. You don’t know how lucky you are to have a guy who desires you all the time.
But, be that as it may, your feelings are important here. You need to talk to him about this.
When you do tell him your feelings you need to tell him in a positive way. Try conveying this to
him when he is relaxed, comfortable and receptive to your wishes. Men are hard-wired to believe
that affection equals sex, but sex doesn’t always equal affection. Feel free to use that line if you
like.
Suggestion: Listen to the Garbage song, “Sex Is Not The Enemy.”
From Both Ends: We both agree that there is a difference between affection and sex. Finding a
way to make that clear to Kat’s boyfriend is the obstacle. We are both happy that at least he is
interested in her. If she cannot communicate something like this early on in their relationship,
problems may arise as time goes by.
Dear Both Ends: My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. I love him and all, but
whenever I am the least bit affectionate to him, he takes that as an indication I want to have
sex. How do I tell him that that isn’t always the case? Why are men so sexually driven?
Kat; age 25, single, no children, customer service
Dr Gomes: Discrepancies of desire is one of the most common sexual intimacy complaints. The
first question I have is whether your boyfriend’s drive changed or has your drive changed? It is sad
to read that your partner only associates touch and affection as an indication of sexuality. Touch is
an integral aspect of life. Infants will fail to thrive without touch. Touch is important to
attachment issues. Talk to him again. He may need to learn the basic pleasure of touch regardless
of the gender of who he is touching or hugging.
Suggestion: Check out Cuddle Party (www.cuddleparty.com) to gain an emotional experience of
touch without it being all about sex.
Larry Star: Remember that your relationship is pretty much brand new to him. He finds you
incredibly sexy and gets aroused by you at the drop of a hat. Give us a call in 5 years to see if this
is still the case. You don’t know how lucky you are to have a guy who desires you all the time.
But, be that as it may, your feelings are important here. You need to talk to him about this.
When you do tell him your feelings you need to tell him in a positive way. Try conveying this to
him when he is relaxed, comfortable and receptive to your wishes. Men are hard-wired to believe
that affection equals sex, but sex doesn’t always equal affection. Feel free to use that line if you
like.
Suggestion: Listen to the Garbage song, “Sex Is Not The Enemy.”
From Both Ends: We both agree that there is a difference between affection and sex. Finding a
way to make that clear to Kat’s boyfriend is the obstacle. We are both happy that at least he is
interested in her. If she cannot communicate something like this early on in their relationship,
problems may arise as time goes by.
| questions@frombothends.com Copyright 2005-2007 From Both Ends. All rights reserved. |